


Grace me with your Grace

by soft_cactus



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Supernatural, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, BAMF Sam Winchester, Episode: s11e10 The Devil in the Details, God isn't the bad guy, Lucifer Loves Sam Winchester, Lucifer Possessing Sam Winchester, Lucifer Redemption, Lucifer is actually ok, Lucifer lowkey dies, Minor Lucifer/Sam Winchester, Powerful Sam Winchester, Pretty early on, Sam Winchester Says Yes to Lucifer, Sam Winchester is Bad at Feelings, Sam Winchester is Called Samael, Sam Winchester is an Avenger, Sam Winchester-centric, Self-Doubt, but he has his reasons
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-05
Updated: 2019-10-05
Packaged: 2020-10-10 18:31:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20532632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soft_cactus/pseuds/soft_cactus
Summary: This wasn't going the way Sam expected this to go. But in a twisted Sam missed the archangel. It wasn't only Lucifer who finally felt complete when he possessed Sam. Sam had felt so good, like nothing could hurt him anymore. He felt protected. And while Hallucifer had tortured him, Lucifer in the cage sometimes was kinder. And Sam missed him. The only thing that is holding him back, is Dean. Until Lucifer makes an offer, that Sam simply can't refuse. He offers salvation from this world. Sam says yes.





	1. Say yes, Samael.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And now, when Sam looked at Lucifer, his instincts screamed at him to just say yes. To give a fuck about everything and just let Lucifer destroy this ungrateful hell on earth. But then he remembered Dean. How much Dean had hated him. How much Dean would hate him, is Sam said yes again. He took a deep breath. He couldn't. He shouldn't. But oh god he wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, thanks for reading :)  
For everyone who isn't a Samifer fan, don't worry, Lucifer is soon out of the picture, although this isn't really a love story unless you want to read it that way, you can read it as being involuntary soulmates too though.  
Also, I don't know when I will update again but don't expect fast uploads.

Sam felt chills forming on his skin, despite the fire burning right in front of him. Lucifer was several meters away from him and still had this effect on him. Lucifer smiled, even if it was a slightly sadistic smile, and took a step forward.

When Sam had first been possessed, he suddenly felt complete. That is why he didn't fight back at first. He felt... powerfull. He felt like all of the things Dean had hated him for years, it wasn't wrong. He had the small feeling that all of the sufferings was worth it.

For the first time in years, he actually felt good about himself. Once he had control over Lucifer, he noticed that the angel felt betrayed and it hurt. It hurt Sam's soul and Sam paid for it.

In the cage, Lucifer left Sam and Sam was lonely. He felt broken, disgusting, used and hated himself. Sam was in hell for 40 years, but his soul was 120 years in total. Sam spend the first years in agony, being tortured by Lucifer who had nothing to do but this, as Michael and Adam left to some other corner.

Only when Sams's body was taken from hell after, Lucifer began torturing the soul. Intrigued, Michael joined him, which suddenly made Lucifer snap and protect Sams soul as good as he could from Michael.

His soul was fucked when it was back. Even when the wall was still intact, he had nightmares every night. And when it was gone, Sam just saw the torturous Lucifer. But what killed him the most, was that he still couldn't hate Lucifer.

Lucifer had explained it once in the cage to him in the rare occurrence where he wasn't in agony. After they were one once, they were linked forever. Sam could want to hate him as much as he wanted, Sam felt emptier than he ever did before. More lonely and freakier than ever before.

And now, when Sam looked at Lucifer, his selfish instincts screamed at him to just say yes. To give a fuck about everything and just let Lucifer destroy this ungrateful hell on earth. But then he remembered Dean. How much Dean had hated him. How much Dean would hate him, is Sam said yes again. He took a deep breath. He couldn't. He shouldn't. But oh god he wanted.

Lucifer made a playfull sad expression and said: "Sam Winchester... My old roomie..."

It took every bit of willpower Sam had still in him, not to throw himself at the angel and beg him so possess him.

"Hug it out?" Sam took a deep breath. He had a mission. Restrain the darkness and if he had to, say yes to Lucifer along the way. Oh god, wished he had to say yes.

The devil took a few steps back and then, like a predator, crept along the cage while admitting: "I have to say, I feel a little in the dark about this meeting."

Lie. Sam wasn't sure why, but he somehow knew Lucifer had lied. He was the person he spends the most time within his life, he knew the archangel.

Lucifer went on: "I don't really get visitors." Sam gulped.

He knew Lucifer was angry at Sam for leaving him down there, but he just hoped that Lucifer didn't hold a grudge (he knew the devil did, but down there had been several hundreds of years since Lucifer last saw him.

He needed to feel good about himself again. He wanted to feel complete again. He had egoistical thoughts, but he trusted himself enough to speak without saying yes.

So he admitted: "If it weren't for the crisis topside, you wouldn't be getting one now."

It wasn't a lie. Sam would've never trusted himself enough to come near Lucifer if it wasn't necessary.

"Crisis?" Sam took a deep breath and asked: "You're aware of the Darkness?" Lucifer made a face and inhaled sharply.

"Yikes. That doesn't sound good. Um, I'm aware of what she was, but that was eons ago."

Sam nodded. He already knew that but needed confirmation. "She's been released. So now she's somewhere - or, everywhere on earth."

"However did that happen?" Lucifer asked and Sam felt like Lucifer starred right into his soul, well maybe he did.

"The point is, she poses a threat to all that exists, including you." Sam stated and Lucifer asked something that made Sam freeze.

"Well, that leads me to my next question. Where is the big burrito himself? Where is God in all of this?"

Sam looked down. He now had to admit, that he really only was here because of God, not Lucifer.

Sam avoided answering by saying: "All current indications of His presence are that there are no current indications of his presence."

Lucifer smiled and mocked him: "What? Caught the fun bus out of town? Figures." Sam couldn't keep quiet anymore.

He wasn't sure why, but he felt like he had to admit to his partner, that he fucked someone else which made him see that he only loved his partner.

"But recently he has reached to... to an interesting party." Lucifer looked intrigued and... happy?

"Who?" "Me." "You?" Sam gulped. "He answered my prayers." Now Lucifer just looked pissed. "Did he now? And what was Dad's suggestion?" "To seek out you."

"Get outta town! Seriously? Who've thunk it?" Sam closed his eyes.

He wanted to feel complete. He wanted to feel.. normal. Loved. Protected. Nobody could replace the feeling of Sam being possessed by Lucifer and Sam would almost give everything to be with him again. Damn. He really was selfish.

"I completely get why you came to me. Can't ignore _God_, right?" Fuck. Lucifer was still mad, that Sam had reacted to God more than to Lucifer. "God says: 'Jump.', everybody says: 'How high?'."

Sam interrupted him. He just wanted it to get over with: "So does that mean you're on board?"

"Well, I did help dad seal the darkness all those years ago. She's quite a force. Determined to take over everything, even back then. Prone to tantrums. I can see why pop is laying low. Now that sis is here, God's not the only circus in town."

Genuinely interested in this topic, Sam asked: "Is she equal to him in power?"

"Raw power? Sure. But she's got none of the... experience. God is a master strategist. That's why you're here." Sam clenched his fists.

He needed to know if all of this was really necessary. He knew he couldn't say yes, so he maybe was just causing himself more pain by being near Lucifer and then eventually having to be seperated from him again. "And why is that?"

Lucifer smiled as he knew how Sam felt. "Well, because God needs my help to put the cat back inside the bag. Can't do it by himself. Seen that movie."

"And?" "And I need a ride out of here. I mean I look swell in here and everything, but I'd look so much more smoke topside."

Overwhelmed by feelings, Sam took a step back. He wanted to say yes so much, he wanted to feel complete, he didn't want to have a part of him just missing. But he also knew that these were egoistical thoughts he had and he shouldn't say yes.

"You need a vessel." He didn't ask, it was a statement. Lucifer nodded.

"One who's strong enough to hold me. Handy. And available now. Catch my drift?"

Oh yes. Sam did. But he couldn't doom the universe. He really wanted to, but the world would always come first.

Lucifer saw Sams's hesitant face and began arguing: "Sam why did you think God sent you to me? To get my help! Which I only now just offered. Sam. Your visions were the word of God. You can't say no to that."

And Sam really didn't want to. But he would if it was for the sake of everyone he loved.

"Do I have an invitation to look forward to?" Lucifer joked and Sam gave him a weak smile. He felt so conflicted. He wanted Lucifer so bad, but also he didn't ever want to be out of control again. He looked back at Crowley and Rowena.

Their expressions said everything. Once again he had to sacrifice his happiness for the world's sake. "No." He looked away. He couldn't stand, being so close to happiness, but not being able to have it.

He couldn't face Lucifer as he continued: "I won't do it. There has to be another way."

He admitted: "I really want to, but I... I can't. I would betray every person who ever sat their faith in me making the right decision."

Suddenly there was a shift in energy. It became... colder. He spun around to face Lucifer once again.

The signs on Lucifers cage began to stop glowing and fear spiked Sam. No. He couldn't get tortured anymore.

He heard Rowena and Crowley talk behind him, but he didn't pay attention to them. He felt himself being teleported and suddenly was in the cage. He froze. Lucifer smiled.

"C'mon, we both know that this is right. Don't you miss it? Miss me?" Sam couldn't lie. He couldn't lie to Lucifer, not since he said yes.

"I do, I feel... Empty-" _Sam stop, you're just admitting that it won't be hard for him so get you to say yes!_ "But, that is not important to the situation. Saving the world is important."

Lucifer gave him the kind of smile where he made sad eyes but had a happy smile.

"Oh Samael, no it was never about that. Even if you already said yes, I was never going to fight my auntie. You know, she is basically all powerfull, when my dad and my brothers were with me we hardly had a chance, going up against her would basically be suicide."

Sam hated how his words hurt. How he knew that Lucifer lied to him and Sam hated himself for actually feeling betrayed. "What's wrong, my dear Samael?"

Lucifer murmured with a knowing smile and Sam asked weakly: "You... I... It is hard for me... To feel like am my own person. To feel... complete. But you seem completely fine. But for me it has only been five years, for you, it has been hundreds of years ago since you possessed me. How am I having such a hard time and you are... you are fine?"

Lucifer gave him a pitiful look and took a step forward. Sam could feel the coldness he radiated on his own skin and felt himself being completely relaxed in the presence of the archangel.

"Samael... Before you were even an idea, I lived for millennials, happy. And when humanity was created, I lived even longer in the cage, just waiting for you. And when I was finally out, I felt like you feel now. I felt alone and uncomplete. And when you and your soul were gone from the cage, I was angry. I was alone but I coped with it. Samael, I waited so long to possess you forever, believe me, these few minutes are nothing to me."

Hesitant Sam took a step back to bring distance back between the two and asked with a shaking voice: "How are you so sure that I will say yes within the next minutes?" And Lucifer smiled.

It was a genuinely happy smile like Sam had only seen it a few rare times. "Samael, I don't know why good ol' dad sent you to me, but I have a guess. I prayed to him. I prayed that he will give me you so I can go through with my plan."

"Your plan to destroy humanity?" Sam asked unwillingly to believe that God would willingly have a hand in this. Lucifer laughed.

"No, I have a different path. You see I need you so I can be happy. You need me so you can be happy. Your poor human soul is missing a piece, which you never really noticed your whole life, until it was there and then went. Your soul and my grace merged when we were one. It was what makes both of us feel complete. And in this world, we could never be one and still be happy. Even if we had an arrangement, Dean and Castiel and Demons and Angels, they all would try to kill us for what we are. So, what if we just," he snapped "disappeared."

"What?" Sam asked in confusion and Lucifer put his freezing cold hand onto Sams's chest.

"What if we went to a different Dimension. There is a dimension, really close to us. The only difference? In this world, dad never created archangels, angels, the supernatural in general. Ghosts, werewolves, vampires, none of them do exist. Just... myths. What if we could go to that dimension and just... live."

Sam closed his eyes. He had to admit. This was tempting. But how could he even know that Lucifer wasn't talking shit?

"So, let me get this straight. You prayed to God, so he would plant the idea that I have to see you in my head, count on me saying yes, then travel dimensions somewhere where the supernatural doesn't exist and then... live there?"

Lucifer nodded happily and asked: "You can't tell me that doesn't sound tempting."

Ignoring his words Sam asked with a serious expression: "How can I make sure that you won't just use this perfect little idea to get me to say yes?"

"You can't. I can promise you all night long, in the end, you just have to believe me."

Sam turned his back towards the archangel and leaned against the bars. He closed his eyes.

He knew the angel was right. But was he willing to take the risk? Was he willing to risk this world for his stupid dream of being able to quit hunting, to quit feeling alone, to basically quit his current life?

Lucifer watched the hunter being so conflicted and sighed. He knew Sam was smart.

He was smart for questioning Lucifer, but Lucifer wasn't lying. He was tired of this dimension. He was tired of the constant battle, he was tired of not having a vessel. In this other world, no one would stop them from being together.

"Samael, I want to finally have peace. I want to be complete. Forever. And I can't do that here. Just think, what is the worst that could happen? You were strong enough to hold me back once, you will do it again if you have to."

"What about Dean?" "What about him?" "Will he be okay without me?" "I don't know. He is not my brother. But I can tell you, he will be happier if we leave."

Sam looked back. "Really?" Lucifer nodded. "In us leaving, auntie will soon be no problem anymore and then... No more apocalypses, no more suffering for Dean. If we stay, a lot of pain is coming for him."

Sam seemed lost in thought for a moment and then whispered: "I want to say goodbye to him." Lucifer couldn't help but smile relieved.

"You won't regret this Samael." Sam looked at him for a moment and whispered: "I hope so. But I can't anymore. I can't take another day with a broken soul like this." Lucifers heart broke and swore to protect his vessel at all costs.

"Say the magic word. I will let you take control to say goodbye."

Sam was tired. He couldn't care enough to stop now. He was so close to being happy, he wouldn't stop now. He couldn't. He couldn't go on anymore, not like this. He knew there was the probability that Lucifer would just destroy everything, but Sam was done. He needed to feel complete again.

"Yes."


	2. Are you crazy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Sam! Focus! Cast. Him. Out. I don't know what he told you, but he lied. He will try to kill us all!" Sam shook his head and softly admitted: "Dean, I want this. I'm happy." Dean froze. "Are you crazy? Lucifer will try to kill us all, your happiness doesn't matter in comparison to, oh I don't know, the WORLD!" Sam gave him a sad smile. "I know. My happiness never mattered, did it?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took so long to update, but I am motivated and sick rn, so I will continue writing for a bit

"Sam? Sammy?" Dean stormed into the room and saw his brother standing next to the cage Lucifer was recently in. Dean smiled in relief and was about to hug his brother when Sam holds out a finger and grinned in a very familiar way, but not how Sam grinned. Dean froze.

"Hey, Dean. You look great! Sorry, I kinda forgot your face in the cage but Sams memories are pretty fresh. Hey, now we have something in common."

He spread his arms and explained: "We both had the mark of Cain!" "No... Sam, please tell me you're just fucking with me." Dean pleaded and Lucifer sighed. "Sorry Dean, Sam wants to have a chat. See ya, or... maybe not."

For a moment Sams's eyes flashed blue and then his body slightly slummed down. Sams's eyes were wild for a moment as he searched for his brother and breathed relieved when he found him.

"Dean..." "Sam? Sammy, is it you?" Sam nodded. "Yeah, Lucifer is letting me take control so I can say goodbye." Sam smiled.

Dean reacted immediately and ordered: "Sam, cast him out. It is not too late. Shit, why did you say yes?" Sam sighed and said with a calm voice: "Did you know Lucifer is really pissed at you right now?"

He chuckled and Dean just stared at him. "Sam, I don't know what is going on with you need to cast him out! You're stronger than him Sammy!" The taller man just ignored Dean and went on: "He would love to smite you right now because you let another angel possess me."

Sam chuckled. "To put it in his words: 'This low ass angel left a mess of grace and soul for me to clean up. Am I a fucking housewife?'" "Sam! Focus! Cast. Him. Out. I don't know what he told you, but he lied. He will try to kill us all!" Sam shook his head and softly admitted: "Dean, I want this. I'm happy like this."

Dean froze. "Are you crazy? Lucifer will try to kill us all, your happiness doesn't matter in comparison to, oh I don't know, the WORLD!" Sam gave him a sad smile. "I know. My happiness never mattered, did it?"

Anger flashed across Deans face. "Sam, what are you talking about? Why aren't you using the fact that YOU are in control at the moment and CAST HIM OUT?" "Because I need him!" Sam snapped. Dean froze. "What?"

"I need him. Once I was possessed by Lucifer, I knew there was a piece of me missing. Because we are not complete! Our souls have flaws, they aren't complete. That is why you drink so much and try to fill this empty space with alcohol and sex! And that is why I was addicted to demon blood! Because when I drank a lot, I felt complete. But after I was possessed once? You can't imagine how painful every day was. How painful just breathing was. It was like I was missing a limp and existing was torture."

"Sammy, we can figure something out. I don't know how you feel, but we can try to figure something else out alright? But this is NOT right!" Dean promised. Lucifer must already influence Sams mind if he really thinks like this, but that's nothing Dean can't fix. But Sam could never think like this.

"I'm sorry Dean. I won't do that. You will have peace by me doing this, trust me." Dean clenched his fists. "Sammy, I trust you. But I don't trust Lucifer. Cast him out and we can talk. I promise, okay?" "No Dean, I don't have a lot of time. But this is best for everyone."

"What is? What is Lucifers 'great plan'?" Sam had a fond smile on his lips. "With me as his vessel and after not using his power for so long... he is strong enough to take me and himself to another dimension. A dimension without angels and the supernatural in general. In which I can just... be happy."

Dean stared at him. "Don't tell me you believe this crap." Sam stayed silent and just gave him a look. "Seriously? You've got to be fucking kidding me! You can't seriously believe this shit!"

With a smile, Sam responded: "I know you don't understand and I don't expect you to. I don't even want you to. I want you to stay here, live your life. Find your special someone."

He grinned and added: "Or more like, tell him how you feel." He smiled again and with a flutter of wings, he was outside of the cage.

"Don't try to come for me, you won't be able to. Please, just let me go." "The hell I will!" Dean snapped and took a step forward. Sam felt Lucifer reacting to protect Sam, but Sam managed to keep him under. "Dean, just know... By doing this you will be happier. Please, don't try to come after me."

Dean was about to snap again but Sam just pulled Dean into a hug. It was a short one but somehow it felt final. When he pulled away he smiled and with a flutter of wings he was gone.

* * *

Sam remembered when he was in the cage and it was a good day. The kind of day where there wasn't pain or torture waiting for him but, in a way, fun. Lucifer showed him how to use powers. How to fly with his wings, how to smite demons or people, he taught him so many things. And now he could finally put this to use.

He teleported himself out of there and when he opened his eyes again he was on a mountain. The sun was going down and created a beautiful sunset.

After a moment of silence Lucifer spoke up: "I'm proud of you Sammy. Not only did you not break down under your brothers completely not understanding opinion, but you also used my grace all by yourself!" Sam laughed a bit and nodded.

He felt Lucifer pushing to control his body and it scared him how easily he could let go to let himself fall into a watching perspective. "Do you really want to do this?" Lucifer asked out loud and if Sam didn't know any better he would think Lucifer was a bit scared. "Yes. It will be better for everyone. But... How are you going to do this?"

"Oh, it will be like a walk in the park. I will open heaven and hell. I will draw power from both. I am the only one who can do that, as both the king of hell and an archangel. And I will use this energy to bring us over there and then close the hole behind us so no one will be able to follow us. But it also means we won't be able to go back."

He paused and Sam had a feeling he wasn't really planning on continuing talking, so he asked: "But what will you do after that?"

"I... Doing this will require a lot of power. Like, A LOT. Even with souls from heaven and ghosts from hell... I don't really know whether I'll survive it. But I will ensure you will survive, I promise."

Sam was shocked. "If you don't know whether you will survive... why do you do it?" "For you." Sam didn't believe it. He knew Lucifer wasn't as evil as everyone thought, but this?

"Sam, I am old. Very old. I am older than the earth itself and in hell, time passes even slower, especially in the cage, you know better than anyone. I am... tired. I don't want to destroy the earth, I never wanted to. I couldn't care less about humans, but I know in this world we can never find peace. And if that means I go to heaven, so be it."

Sam frowned. "I thought angels don't go to heaven." Lucifer smirked and although Sam couldn't see it, he felt it.

"Don't worry about it Samael." Sam smiled, metaphorically speaking, as he wasn't controlling his own body. He felt safe if Lucifer said he shouldn't worry, he wouldn't.

For a moment they both remained silent. Sam didn't fully believe Lucifer, even though he could feel that Lucifer didn't lie. He was conflicted.

"Sam, I can't do this without you," Lucifer mumbled and Sam sighed. "I'm with you. I really am. This is just... a huge step." Lucifer laughed and Sam believed to hear a hint of nervousness. "You don't say?"

"Just as a warning, you will probably pass out when I start because it will drain a lot of your strength." Sam sighed and mumbled: "Thanks for the warning. When do we start?" "I'm ready when you are."

"Alright... Let's do this." Without questioning him again, Lucifer closed his eyes. Sam felt the ground shake but Lucifer let his eyes closed. Suddenly Sam felt energy pulse through him, like adrenalin.

It pained him, he felt physical pain and screamed inside his own head. A pulse of energy shot through Sam and he couldn't bear it. He felt himself falling and falling and the last thing he heard was: "Goodbye Samael..."


End file.
